This feeling..

Have you ever had this feeling that you were called to more? More than the ordinary can give you. Have you ever just looked around and saw nothing that brought interest to you? Do you constantly feel as if there is something different about you? Something that you can’t even place you finger on? 

If so, you are in the same place as me. Constantly wondering what you need to do to find your place in life. What steps need to be taken? What risks do I need to take? You wonder if you being different is dangerous to you future, then you think again if it even matters as long as you’re happy. If so, you are rarely fulfilled by what everything around you has to give, you aren’t unhappy, you aren’t disappointed, you just have this inkling that there is more out there. 

I am constantly searching for that thing that sets me apart, the place I belong, or the skill I have yet to uncover that might be what makes me different and sets me apart.

Do you watch movies, or read books, and feel as if you belong there more than you do here, or feel as if a character is living the life you dream you’re supposed to be living, but it is impossible because it is fiction and does not exist. Have you been there? Because I have.

My dreams haunt me because I feel more accepted there than I do here. Thats normal though, since I create them out of wishes and memories, right? They feel so real. They are what makes me feel as if I do not belong here. How do I make them stop? Its as if Im going crazy inside my own head. 

I just want to make a difference here. Be the difference. Find what makes me different. Live a life that is different. I was something out of the ordinary. Am I ordinary? I must not be, right? I don’t hear much of other people thinking like this. Thinking they blend in with everyone else in a magnitude of ways, and do not feel special, though they know they have something about them that also makes them very different. Just different.

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